Sign up to disable those pesky ads. Here's some poems I wrote recently. Let me know what you think. Safety Whistle I was asked the other day "Why do you have a whistle?" Really? It's because, Uniformed Citizen Because I can't leave my dorm at night With others or God forbide Myself Without the fear of who's hiding in a bush Or in my own group Hiding that they want to hurt me Until it's to late I have a safety whistle Because 1 in 6 women have experienced crimes against their bodies and I'm one of them It was eight years years ago And I'll be damned if In 8 years, or 9, or 10 it happens again But if it does, Heaven forbid, At least I have a f*cking safety whistle ------ Dear Feminism I know I took awhile to notice you Despite you always being there Like that time that kid told that degrading joke And everybody laughed But me Or that time my dad treated my mom like dirt For years in subtle ways Sorry about that There was also this time in 12th grade English Everyone and the teacher laughed at you And called you names And I did nothing Whoops I guess I just didn't understand you yet I like to think I do now though And not just because I got a brownie out of it I get what you're about and you're beautiful So I promise That forever I will stand by you You have beautiful things to say And I'll help you say them Because I love you
The poems are good, but their depressing. I understand the point of them but hmm I don't know I'm at a loss for words. Keep writing thou, because writing wise your good at it. But add a sense of joy into your writing not because it's a cliche but because even in the darkest thoughts their is always space for joy. Than again I could be reading to much into the lines... Ether way keep writing Meg.
Um....you guys know only the TOP one was supposed to be depressing, right? The bottom one is supposed to be funny. I guess the humor comes out more when I read it, but still....:eek: And SRS I do not believe in adding a sense of joy to everything because somethings (like sexual assault) should not be taken lightly. In order to truly capture the emotions felt in a situation one has to go to a darker place sometimes. There is nothing wrong with that in the slightest. I don't know why something being depressing should be a bad thing... Either way, thank you all for commenting.
Well when I read the first poem like I said I believe I read to much into the lines that I forgot that the poem was about sexual assault and I just paid attention to the dark mood of it. That or I blocked out the sexual assault references due to the uncomfortable nature of said topic. I didn't catch the humor of the second poem it confused me more than anything else. Pay no attention my comments lol.
Wrote a short story about sexual abuse once...think I burned it a few months after though. I can't write for shizzle - especially poetry - so I'm not the most qualified to critique (so I won't) but I liekded them
It confused you? How? It really isn't. :eek: Like I said: the humor comes out more when it's read because of how I read it.
That's what that poem was about?! *Reads poem again* Well I'll be damned, so it is. Well that makes a hell of a lot more sense now.
I may write poetry but when it comes to telling others I'm useless but here it goes! Meg, I love your poems. The first one is dark and full of emotion, and the second is a bit humourous. They were very nice to read, I don't mind darker subjects as I write a lot of that. I know poems are free verse and can be put together however you like but I'm thinking that with a change in word placement, you poems could flow even better! Even adding some words to reinforce your meaning. *holds hands up in the air* I'm just offering advice! I come in peace! Or in peices...o.o; Keep up the awesome work. =3
Thank you! ^^ I appreciate the feedback. I'll take a look and see what I come up with. Any suggestions?
You're welcome. As for suggestions, re-read your poem...does it reinforce the 'point' you are making in your poem? Does it flow well or does it sound choppy? Every poem has a theme, if you look at some of mine you should be able to see them. Space out your words, they can add an effect of a lapse of ____time, (ignore the __, it didn't let me use the space i want so i improvised!) or if you do the space out the letters individually they add a sense of something involving time (such as r e m e m b e r i n g a memory or even a sense of breathlessness). Try to be creative with your words; it doesn't have to be anything fancy but it can put in a lot more into your writing, don't be afraid to experiment! I hope some of this helps Meg. *cheers*
Here's some more for you guys. To Those Who Know Who They Are I may not of had a good start I may not be "gifted" and I wasn't always smart But I've got something else I've got a brain and I use it too Unlike you If You used your brain You'd see that I may not be you But I'm something better I surround myself with Valleys in the Rockies Fields of rye and orchards in California What do you surround yourself with? With emptiness and bitter words A wave of dismissal and shallow friends So no, I'm may not know as much as you But I go deeper Instead of sitting on the surface I plunge into the depths I get the iceberg effect And I deserve what I earn I was not given a label in fourth grade I earned a life in eleventh and have blossomed even more So no, I don't have as many facts As you But I know passion and how to pursue it So who is the complete person Me or you? ------- Dear Ms. Rand, I may give to others Do favors and lend a hand I don't always get Anything back But I don't think they are looters I give to those Who sacrifice their time and more For the single goal of Equality For all men and all women So that everyone can pursue their goal I give to those who would Put themselves in harms way To save another So they may live to change the world And I give to those that find help and give hope to those who would do Themselves harm and help them see the beauty in themselves But I don't think they are looters Most of all I give to my mother Who would spend winter In a freezing house And only turn the heat on before we got home To save the money we didn't have My mother Who stayed up late making a birthday cake Shaped like a butterfly That everyone hated Because the fondant icing sucked My mother who would wake me up Because she needed help playing Crash Bandicoot My mother Who believed in me and supported me When everyone else wondered Why I acted like a dude When my grades were low And everyone thought I was dumb But her I give to her But I could never give enough But don't you dare call her a looter And don't you dare say I'm worse for supporting looters Don't tell me I could be like you If only I wasn't so sympathic And so giving I do not give to those that don't deserve it But no one is perfect And if I only acknowledged people exactly like you I wouldn't even acknowledge myself But I'd still fit in your valley Amongst the innovators and the thinkers That I thank everyday Let me read 300 more books and Write 100 more essays And I'll prove it Prove to you my undying love For the written word I may write with the goal of helping others So they may see the greatness in themselves But I only do that because I need to write So why not help others too? If that's so awful Then to hell with you But I don't think it is I think you'd love me Like I love you
Why I Write I write Because I'm in love With the written word The beauty of how it looks On the page The smooth motion of the hand As I create The letters that turn into Words That become Sentences And eventually A story, an essay, article, a song Or a poem And my thoughts My gut My heart And my soul I love writing Because it is a way To preserve The brilliant minds of the past And reading their works Keeps them with us Minds That help shape us Influence and Inspire I write Because it fills me up With a joy Not found anywhere Else
why didnt i see this before meg honestly i love poetry this is some pretty good work than your jolt one i remember why didnt you do poetry like this before its great